Do you really learn from your mistakes if you keep repeating them? Each time, I swear that I have learned my lesson, but then I go and repeat the same mistakes time and time again. It’s not that I want to keep messing up or feeling disappointed in myself, or is it?
Maybe somewhere locked far away in my subconscious I’m trying to punish myself or I feel that I don’t deserve to succeed in any way. I only took 1 psychology class in college, so I really don’t know the real answer to these questions—all I can do is assume.
Last year, my honey and I went to a casino and blew $500 and I felt awful. I swore up and down that I learned my lesson and wouldn’t repeat it. Later that year, we went on vacation for our anniversary and my dreaded 30th birthday. We ended up spending way too much money at the casino; once again I’d learned my lesson and wasn’t going back.
Then once again, at the beginning of May we went to the casino for our anniversary (not the wedding one) and I’m writing about it once again. Yep, this is my confession…it took me a while to get it out there, but better late than never. I did kind of built up to this post with my other posts about spending money while drinking and addictions can ruin your budget, I thought it would be easier to warm you guys up to it.
We had planned to go out to dinner and go see a movie for our anniversary. Which never happened because I got the brilliant idea that we should go to the casino instead. I knew it was a bad idea and that I would feel like $hit afterward, but my husband thought it was a great idea. Having somebody to enable your addictive behavior always helps, but it’s not his fault that I have a gambling addiction.
We stopped at the bank on the way so that we wouldn’t be charged ATM fees, since I think ATMs are evil. It sounds like a smart move, but it wasn’t. We took out $600 from our bank account, yep that’s a lot to waste at a casino—but don’t worry, it gets even worse.
After I convinced my honey that he should let me drink and be my designated driver, things went downhill. I don’t really drink very often, so those 5 hurricanes (with 3 cherries on sword) really kicked my @ss. Did I really need to have 5 drinks? Nope, but I had a blast and loved everybody at the roulette table.
When I ran out of money, my husband gave me his debit card and let me take more out for us. Like $600 wasn’t already enough to waste. wtf? On the bright-side, we were only charged 2 bucks for the ATM fee—for the $500 I took out. Yep, we gambled away $1,102 at the stupid casino on our anniversary.
But wait, there’s more. The worst part is where the money came from…our emergency fund. Can you believe it, what was I thinking? How in the world is a night of gambling considered an emergency? I am still really upset, but I finally have come to the point where I realize I having a gambling problem and should just stay the h*ll away from casinos. So for my first step, I’m going to stay out of casinos for the rest of 2012 and then go from there.
Maybe it’s good that this happened to keep me from screwing up more in the future. I really need to come up with other activities for me and my husband to do together, he’s just so stubborn. He’s an amazing guy, but he doesn’t ever like to go anywhere and do anything. He refuses to: go dancing at clubs or go to them in general, go to any concerts, go bowling, anything related to exercise, go on little day trips and pretty much everything else.
On the other hand, he is all for: going to casinos, going to movies, staying home and sometimes going to the golf range if he’s in the mood. It’s pretty much slim pickings, so maybe I just need to offer more suggestions until I find something he’ll want to do or just get creative.
Do you have any suggestions?
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I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Gambling, like any addiction, is really destructive and I hope that you can overcome it. It definitely threw a wrench into my finances for a long time and eventually I learned that I was just hurting myself and my future…then I finally got it together.
I’m not sure what to suggest with your husband. Hopefully he can step up, be a man, and be willing to support you and do more things with you (not trying to be mean, just being truthful).
My wife and I try to go on walks together (with our dog), we’ve started working out in the mornings (running and doing some yoga), we cook together on a consistent basis and we enjoy grocery shopping together. We’re not into going out or things like that, but we try to have “date nights” as well and just keep things low-key.
What about museums or sporting events? You can buy a lot of tickets to various things for $1k. 😉
Thanks Jason, I hope I can too. I just wish it was wasn’t SO much fun. 😉 Thanks for the suggestions, it really helps to have more options to suggest to him. LOL I could do a TON of things with $1k.
Wow that’s a lot of money! I’m not sure of any suggestions, as I’m not sure how bad your gambling need is. Would you say you have an addiction? If so, then the only thing I can think of is avoiding casinos at all costs.
I don’t really think I “need” to gamble, it’s just one of the few activities I know my husband will do. Then once I’m there, I go wild.
My husband used to play poker online and it drove me crazy. To the point that I thought driving down the road and throwing $20 bills out the window would actually be more fun. I stay away from casinos because losing money just isn’t much fun for me.
Would your husband like fishing?
Wow, it’s a good thing I never got into online gambling—we’d really be screwed since I’m usually online all day.
I asked him about fishing today, he said that he would probably like it. So that’s something we can try.
Thanks for the suggestion, Mindy.
I don’t have any suggestions from personal experience, but I did just randomly meet this counselor from gambler’s anonymous…he made it sounds like a great organization that can help people no matter what their degree of addiction…maybe your local chapter might have a counselor that can offer suggestions. Don’t mean to take it that far…I just don’t know of what to say to help and they might?
That’s definitely something for me to keep in mind, just in case I can’t stay away on my own.
My husband and I love playing Craps at the Casino but the most we take with us is $100 each and if we start off doing lousy we usually call it quits before we lose it all. One Sunday afternoon we won $900 between us. That was so much fun!! We too use to go to the Casino for birthdays and anniversaries but we haven’t gone in about 2 years.
Nice win, we’ve never tried Craps before.
We usually have to drive about 2 hours to get to the casino, so that might also be why we spend so much. I couldn’t imagine driving for 2 hours, going in for less than an hour with $100, then turning around and driving for another 2 hours. That could be a contributing factor to the excessive spending, if we didn’t do the same thing while on vacation near casinos.
Wow that is a ton of money to blow in one night. I thought I was bad in casinos when I’d blow $200. I almost never go anymore since I know it’s just trouble. It sounds like you need to get your husband to come up with some activities to suggest. He sounds like he’s just too stuck in his comfort zone and not willing to challenge himself. I’m sure there are some kinds of things that he’s always wanted to try and just never got around to it. As for yourself, I think you’ve probably learned your lesson and will do what you can to avoid casinos. Just start thinking of them as an evil place that is just going to make you broke.
Yeah, that makes sense. I’m great at compromising and doing what other people want instead, I just need to push him to come up with some ideas.
It’s funny because I know that the casinos are evil and they want to eat all my money, yet I still kept going. If I can make it without going for the rest of 2012, that’ll be much better than I’ve done in a long time.
We all have our weaknesses huh? It wouldn’t have been so bad if you had saved enough to play there in the first place. Next time, force yourself to save and only allow yourself to spend that much –also, leave the debit card at home.
We all make financial mistakes, just learn from them.
Yep, everybody has something. It’s weird how I’ll save up for money for other things but don’t seem to have any issues draining accounts for gambling. Hopefully this will be the last time.
Yikes, sorry to hear that. I don’t gamble but I could easily spend that money on other things. I hope you had fun and now you can be creative to find ways to make back the money
Yeah, it sucks but hopefully I won’t be doing it again any time soon. It’s going to drive me crazy until I can replace that money in our Emergency Fund.
Jen, I understand. I’ve been there. I used to gamble – never had the budget for it, but I did it anyhow. My poison of choice was online slots. I’m better now – don’t spend nowhere near what I used to. I know what it’s like to play more than you should and the remorse that comes afterwards, promising yourself you won’t do it again, only to then do it again, then plague yourself with guilt once again.
Everyone’s addiction is different, it’s down to each individual, their personality, weaknesses, nuances, etc. All I can say is take each day as it comes. The rest of the year is a long time. If you concentrate on each day, pat yourself on the back for getting through it, then focus on the next day, and pat yourself on the back for that too – cross your daily achievements off. Also, maybe treat yourself to something (positive and enjoyable) for every week you get through it. That might give you something to look forward to.
Also, talk to your hubby, make a list of things you’d both like to do together. Let him know you need support, and how you need it.
I wish you well. It’s not easy, but in time, you’ll realise you’re stronger and more resilient than you think – it’s just an underused muscle in you right now, but the more you exercise it, the stronger it’ll get.
Thanks for the great advice, egochi.
I can’t wait until I’m doing better with it.
I can totally relate to you in having a husband who doesn’t like to go anywhere. It definitely makes things tough when you have very limited options of what you can do together. I respect the fact that you are so open and care share this with everyone. That has got to be one step in the right direction. Good luck to you!
Yeah, it sucks—but it would be creepy if he was perfect. 😉 I think sharing it with everybody helps me work through it better and gain insight from others. Putting it out there gave me the strength to bring it up with him yet again, he’s definitely showing more interest in it now.
I’ve got the same thing going on and it’s horrible. I am so careful when I purchase groceries and supplies, then can go in a casino and everything goes out the window. I can blow hundreds and then afterwards, beat myself up for days, know it’s a real problem, say in order for things to change I need to change, etc… So… it’s now 2013, how is it going for you?
I haven’t been to a casino since this post. I’ve really, really wanted to…but I had to force myself to stay away.
I just tell myself that I’m saving up my gambling cravings in case we ever to Vegas again. Then I’ll give myself permission, but have a strict budget as not to waste away everything we’ve saved.
How do you keep yourself from going?
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I go to casinos to make Mvg points so that I can get to stay in places like the palace of the lost city here in South Africa but I hate it when I have lost money because you work so hard for it. And casinos never give anything for nothing. The trick is to splash to a nice casino resort and then lure you into the gambling den where you end up paying for the “free holiday”
Hi Jen, You deserve a pat on the back for staying out of the casino as you planned. A lot of us can’t do that. I am going through a similar experience and am so sick and tired of it that I could just scream!!! I’ve decided to start reading about other folks experiences on a daily basis to remind myself WHY I need to stay out… it seems to be helping :0) I wishing you hope and happiness and clarity! Peace out!
Im here reading your story, and sadly our husbands are just alike. (And the fact that I have a problem with the casino too) whats sickning about me is, all the money that I have lost, and the more I think about it makes me want to go gamble more! I dont understand it. Its crazy because when I leave that place im depressed because I spent too much, or I won and put it all back in. Its a vicious cycle with me. I tell myself im only going to spend so much and thats it. If I loose I want more more more….I cant leave . I cant leave untill I have spent it all. Im besides myself with this addiction, I dont know what to do. When I have free time, the casino is all I think about. I dont know how much more of this I can take.
I totally understand, Salina. It’s an awful addiction and I did the same. It’s that hope of winning big, but I just had to let go of it. For me, I just have to stay out of casinos. As much as I have wanted to, I cannot go inside or I’m going to get a gamble-crazy again. I guess you just have to get to the point where you realize you’re playing very expensive video games and just giving away your money. Would you normally just hand a wad of your hard-earned cash to a stranger? It’s essentially the same thing. My best advice would be to stay as far away as possible and find another activity you enjoy, preferably something good for you (exercise, nature and so forth) to do instead. Good luck.